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Two things on my mind

1. The new latest posts feature of LiveJournal is fucking fascinating! Random journal surfing just got so much more random.

2. The penis enlargment spam seems to have taken a turn toward a specialty niche market. That niche: people who want their penis to actually SCARE people. Yep. The majority of my spam now has subjects like "Make her scream in fear of your giant cock." and "They laughed at it before, but now it will SCARE them!"

This is disturbing to me. Let's assume for a minute that I'm concerned about the size of my dong. This is purely hypothetical and I assure you that I am, in fact, not. I'd like to not get any emails from anyone who's actually seen it saying "It's about damn time you started thinking about that, man." Anyway... back to my HYPOTHETICAL dick concern. Let's say all these spam marketers are right and I am actually entertaining the idea that my junk's not up to par, size-wise. The main motivator there is to get laid, isn't it? Shouldn't the in-head conversation go something like, "Hmmm... my dork is pretty tiny. That's probably why I don't get any. Perhaps if it were bigger, chicks (or dudes) would want to do me."? So uh... if that's the case, how are you gonna be any better off with a gargantuan scary dick-zilla? I mean, if it's gonna make her run from the room screaming, then chances are, you're still gonna have to go manual override on that sucker. The only thing different from before is that now you're gonna have to use two hands. Big or small, "Don't come near me with that damn thing", is not the object of the game.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 23rd, 2003 05:58 pm (UTC)
I really hate the many terrible "euphemisms" for the vagina combined with suggested violence toward them. For example, "break walls with your giant cock"--though "walls" isn't quite it...
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:05 pm (UTC)
that latest posts thing is evil. addictive evil. shame on you for pointing that out to me!

coming to the triangle tonight?
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:15 pm (UTC)
what's at the triangle? i have a monkey meeting until probably about 9:30 or so...
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:17 pm (UTC)
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:22 pm (UTC)
Dude! I sooooo miss that... I'm there!
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:29 pm (UTC)
i wanna try to make it a weekly thing.
Jul. 23rd, 2003 06:07 pm (UTC)
my motto: "just cause you got a nice pencil, it don't help yer penmenship"-furnaceface
Jul. 23rd, 2003 07:31 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. Well said. I've also noticed that these emails seem to imply that some form of pain or damage should be inflicted upon the recipient of your newfound enormity. "Split her open with your HUGE NEW COCK!" comes to mind. The visuals that these ads evoke are as appealing as a velvet painting of naked Charleton Heston riding a tricycle.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )