Mom will like this one:
Last night Susie and I scooter over to the U District to see Gigantic. As I'm driving up the remodeled Ave, I realize that the two motorcycle spots across from the theater are no longer there. So I swing a U-turn to park in what seemed like a nice big open space across the street from the theater, but that turns out to be handicapped parking. At that point, I notice that there's a single motorcycle parking space right in front of the theater and it's open. Sweet! So I swing around again behind a mini-van coming the other way. The mini-van then drives up and stops on top of the motorcycle spot. So I give him a few beeps. He does nothing. I'm sitting right behind him, but sticking out in traffic, and probably starting to piss people off. I beep some more and yell, "GET OUT OF THE MOTORCYCLE SPACE". He still does nothing. I beep more and start to ride up next to his window. He starts yelling at me that he's not in a motorcycle space. Fucking nimrod. So I yell "Look at the fucking sign.. Motorcycle space.... now MOVE." Granted, a bit rude, but I'm getting more and more impatient with this dipshit as we have about five minutes before the movie starts. So now, instead of moving, he goes, "What part of the east coast are you from?", as if it's some sort of insult or like I'm going to be ashamed of the fact that my east coast heritage makes me intolerant of idiotic drivers. I respond, "New Jersey. Proudly. MOVE!" Finally, his daughter gets out of the car to go to the ticket window to buy tickets, he drives off, and I take the space. Dude ends up sitting about five rows behind us in the theater, but chooses not to carry further pursue a resolution to our disagreement.
Now then... I will gladly admit that I was a little impatient with this guy. At that point, I'd been on my scooter for almost an hour, trying to get through the Morons on Parade that is Seattle traffic. Over the course of that hour, I'd been cut off and held up by stupid drivers enough that all I wanted to do was park my bike for a couple hours and see a good movie. But no. As if dispatched by the Seattle Division of Making Steve Homocidal, this guy shows up at the end of my long ride, ready to make it just that much longer and more irritating. What the fucking fuck? Drivers in this town are getting worse and worse. People don't pay attention at all anymore, cell phone or no. And, they're either total dicks, or they're so overly courteous (a problem I find to be unique to Seattle) that they will cause four or five cars delay or near collision for the sake of letting one guy merge, who would have been able to do so more safely after those four or five cars passed anyway.
Get it together, Seattle. Learn to fucking drive already. And don't anyone give me that argument that it's all because of California drivers moving up here. I've driven in the worst of the worst California traffic and while it moves really fucking fast and you have to be on your game to not get shellac'ed, it moves quickly, predictably, and efficiently. None of this right turn from the left lane at six miles an hour crap that you see every day here. Nobody's stopped in a forward moving lane for no apparent reason, and god help you if you slow down to 30 on the freeway to gawk at an accident like people do here. Bullet in the fucking face for you.
All I wanna do is get where I'm going quickly and get the hell off the road. Is that too much to ask?