Now listen up. I believe very strongly in this and I'm pretty psyched that it happened. As many of you know, I'm a man of the cloth (Reverend Stephen Calderon of the Universal Life Church, at your service). So, in celebration, I do hereby offer to perform any wedding ceremony (gay or straight), free of charge, for which the happy couple can produce a legal Washington state marriage license. I'll do this on little to no notice, as long as I'm available. If you know some peeps who wanna get married (once all the legal mumbo jumbo of this thing gets untangled), you give 'em my e-mail address and I'll hook 'em up with marital bliss.
In other news, Vegas was a good time, indeed. We got a little ill on MegaDogs[tm] and Simon ralphed his poor guts out in our hotel room, which probably still smells like giant hot dog puke. Other than that adventure, we did a lot of gambling and sometimes won money... and sometimes didn't. I won $40 while changing plans in Reno on our way to Vegas, but that sadly was not the theme for the whole weekend. I played a $100 hand of blackjack at midnight in the high stakes room at the Stardust and that was exciting until I realized I'd pulled a K-5 against a dealer Ace. I, of course, passed on insurance and rejoice momentarily when the dealer didn't have blackjack. That little party ended when I drew an 8 and busted. Ah well... had to be done.
I also played one of the best bluffs of my short Texas Hold'em career. I was pretty short stacked (no jokes, please) and was dealt Q-5 off suit. I had the big blind so I was in the hand no matter what. Everyone called. The flop came up K-K-J. Scary. Betting checked to me and for some stupid reason I decided I'd bet, and chase a straight for just one card. A bunch of people called, and one guy raised. This guy had been pushing people out of hands for a while, and this time I decided to stick, because I didn't want to get made as a puss. So I called his raise. The turn came up another Jack and I knew I was fucked. Someone bet six bucks, and I called it, because I decided I was going to just play it like I had the full house. Nobody raised. The river came up a 5, which didn't help anyone. The same person who bet the six bucks last round checked to the girl to my right. This time, she bet six bucks, rather sheepishly, and I figured she didn't have it but was going to try to chase everyone else out. At this point, I'm like $12 in the pot, so I figure my only hope is to come over the top of her and really play it like I've got it, so I raise the bet to $12 and just stare at my hands, hoping that everyone at the table will think I'm doing it because I don't want to give away that I have this killer hand... which I don't. At this point, it's just me and two other people in the hand. After my raise, there's a LOOOOOOOOOONG pause, and finally I look up and make eye contact with the guy. I hold his stare and don't blink or flinch or move or anything until he finally folds. After he does, the girl to my right goes out and the pot is mine! Yeah! As I'm stacking up the chips, she asks me if I had it and I come back with Matt Damon's, "I don't know... I can't remember..." Heh.
Overall, I did pretty well playing Hold'em. I sat three times for a couple hours each. I have no idea how people sit and play for 14 hours at a time, cause I was dying after like two. I bought in for $100 each time. The first time, I was down to about $15 before I took down a few hands and made a decent comeback. I ended up walking away with an extra $100. The next time, I just couldn't catch a hand and lost about $25. The third time, I came out $35 ahead. Not bad at all. I think I might try to find a local card room to play at once in a while and see if I can't develop myself a debilitating habit.
Speaking of which... how come nobody who wins often is ever considered to have a gambling problem? Imagine that... you're a compulsive gambler, but you're really good, so you win all the time. Nobody ever tells you to get help or anything. Weird.
There were various other shenanigans in Vegas that might be worth mentioning if I hadn't already droned on for paragraphs about gambling. I'll just say this: free drinks couple of shows Elvis tribute cheetah. We didn't really venture far from Westward Ho or Stardust because it was too damn hot and we had many hours of blackjack that needed to be played.
Quote of the weekend was when someone at the table asked the dealer where she was from. She responded that she was from Yugoslavia, to which Simon loudly and drunkenly replied, "I had a friend who had a Yugo!!!" He then when on for about 10 minutes about what a great car it was. Oh, Simon.