The wretched life

It really sucks that I can't say "I got rear-ended" out loud without at least one co-worker interrupting my story and going "Dude... that doesn't sound right..."

I suppose I shouldn't really complain, since I'm usually the one playing the Beavis angle, but I mean come on people. That one's so obvious and played out. And they all jump at the chance to make the comment because they each want to be the first to make the "funny" observation, which interrupts my speaking and derails attention from my story. And I'll be damned if I'm letting someone take attention away from ME with something that lame!

I want you all to know what a HOT ASS I have. It's totally hot. In fact, the hotness of my own ass is increasing the temperature of the rest of my body and I'm sweating. That's how fucking hot my ass is.

Unfortunately, the hotness of my ass is transient. I tweaked my back (*flexes a little*) lifting weights yesterday (or getting run over by an SUV... one of the two...) and so I've been sitting against a heating pad all day. God damn I am one old man.