June 30th, 2003

Ladies' man

I'll take 'Bad Wedding Toasts" for a thousand, Alex

Saturday, I was part of my friend Chris' wedding in Capitol Hill. Afterwards, there was a reception downtown. And, as is tradition, there were toasts.

The order of the toasts was:
1. F, father of the Bride
2. M, father of the Groom
3. D, best man #1 (there were two best men)
4. MV, maid of honor #1 (two of these as well)
5. EV, MV's husband and one of the groomsmen
6. H, maid of honor #2

Ok... so #1 and #2 go and establish the protocol of introducting the next toaster at the end of their toast. 2 introduces 3, who gives his best man toast. Not too bad. He then introduces 4, who does her toast (from notecards - 7th grade book report stylee) and it's actually quite moving. She introduces her #5, her husband and he does his toast which was uh... I don't know... your standard groomsman's toast I guess. Anyway, here's the funny part.

So at the end of his toast he says:
"And now I'd like to introduce the next toastmaster, H. She's the maid of honor. See, for those who don't know, MV, my wife, is the matron of honor, because she's married, and H is the maid of honor, because that's what you call them when they're single."

At this point, I watched the DJ crack up and make a motion like he was putting his foot in his mouth. I was waiting for him to add "Yep... that's maid, as in 'old maid'". Instead, it finally occurred to him to shut up and he handed the mic to H.

H responded with "Uh... Thanks? I don't know what to say to that... especially since I'm older than MV.... anyway....." and then went in to her toast.


(no subject)

Normally, when I read instructions for microwaving something, if the instructions specify a range of time for which to cook the item, I interpolate, and pick something in the middle. For instance, if it says to cook for one to three minutes, I cook it for two.

This practice proved an unreliable means for determining the correct amount of time to cook my beans.