June 11th, 2004

Lil' Wu Tang

MAKE IT STOP!!

Seriously. All the Ronald Reagan worship is going to make me FUCKING BARF. If I didn't despise the man in life, I sure as hell do now in death, because he's EVERYWHERE. Every "news" site, every page of my friends list (I guess it doesn't help that I watch conservatism and liberal), every newspaper. Last night, the news was talking about bringing up-to-the-minute reports of the funeral, and all the drones walking through the Rotunda to view the coffin.

Side note: wouldn't it be funny if the coffin was filled with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? Think about it. All those people waiting 5+ hours in line to walk by the coffin, and then going on and on about what a spiritual experience it was and all that crap, and then right at the end before they ship him off to California, they open it up. BAM! Hahah!! It was I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!!! Not even real butter! Hooooooooo, we got you people!!! I Can't Believe It's Not a Dead Old White Guy!! Oh man. I know it's really unlikely, but if that's what ends up happening, I'm gonna laugh my balls off.

Anyway... up-to-the-minute? What the fuck? Who in the world needs up-to-the-minute reporting on a FUCKING DEAD GUY? Like I'm gonna sit there glued to my TV. Ok... They're carrying him to the grave site. Uh huh... Ok... now they're saying a prayer.. Mmmmhmmm.m.. Ok... still saying a prayer... Ok... Now a guy's giving a eulogy... uh huh... yep... Ok... Now another eulog- WHOA! HE JUST POPPED OUT OF THE COFFIN!! I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT!!! Good thing there's up-to-the-minute coverage!! I might not have found out about that until later on! I need to act immediately to put my "Zombie Reagan is real" plan in to effect! Jeez.