November 20th, 2005

Slayer!!

They came for me.

Well that was close.

I got home about half an hour ago. I'd gone to Daly City to see Saw II (much more horrifying than Saw, by the way). I was pretty amped up on sugar and adrenaline just from the movie, but I knew coming home was going to be even more horrifying, as today is the deadline for assassins to make their first kill attempt or be eliminated from the game. People have to be getting pretty desperate.

I went through my usual routine when I got home, checking for intruders before opening the garage door and then before driving in. It was all clear, so I rolled in to the garage and guarded the garage door opening while I waited for the door to close. All seemed well, or so I thought. I let Rudy out, but he seemed a little wonked out, so I figured that they'd just been here or had come ringing the doorbell earlier or something. He went outside and then back upstairs, and I had a really suspicious feeling, so I began checking the (extremely dark) house for attackers.

About a minute later, Rudy starts barking and losing his mind. I figure someone's here. I looked through the kitchen window at as much of the tunnel entrance as I could see and saw nobody. I looked out the windows and there was no sign. I decided to try to get a better view of the tunnel.

I crept up to the door. We have one of those tiny doors in our door instead of a peephole. It opens inward and to the right. I stood to the right of it and carefully unlocked it and pulled it open. As I was about to stick my gun through it and start hosing, water comes squirt squirt squirting in. I shut the door, laughing.

The voice from the other side asked, "Did I get you?"

Me: No.

Her: Yesssss!!

Me, confused: ...

Her: I thought you said I got you...?

Me: No.

Her: You said I got you!

Me, even more confused: I thought you asked if you hit me.

Her: I did, and you said yes!

Me: I said no.

Her: Oh. Well come out here and prove it!

Me: How about I take a picture and email it to you?

The taunting went on for a few more minutes. I could hear the frustration in her voice. She was definitely the girl who left me the voicemail earlier in the week, which means the later phone call claiming to be from my ex-assassin was indeed a ruse.

You can't accuse her of not being creative!

Anyway, during the taunting, I learned that she's part of a team, and that they've been waiting around our house for up to five hours at a time. That sucks for them.

After a little bit of conversation, I stopped responding to her. I heard her make a stressed phone call (the tunnel entrance is very echoey) and so I snuck down to the garage. I heard her yell to me, "Well... I'm going now... Goodbye!" followed by the slam of the gate. I shot a stream through the gas meter window, but she claims it didn't hit her. She tried to shoot me through the vent in the garage door (now covered) but missed.

Since then I've chucked a couple of water balloons through the kitchen window with no return fire. I was thinking she was gone, but a few minutes ago I heard a bit of a ruckus in the tunnel and now I swear I'm hearing voices out there. Rudy's napping, though, so it could be all in my head. Perhaps I need to turn on the TV and relax. Six more hours and I'll have made it through the first week.