The voicemail said the following:
"Hahaha well it's exactly 7:05 AM. Do you know where your stalker is? On a lighter note, I have a joke for you. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? BECAUSE I FUCKING SHOT HIM WITH MY SQUIRT GUN AND HE DIED!"
I did my usual check outside before leaving for work. Blue chevy parked across the street with a dude in it, talking on a cell phone via headset, and looking through papers. It looked like way too many papers to be game documents, but I was suspicious of him nonetheless.
I crept down to the garage and let the dog out back. When he was done, I queitly pushed my motorcycle to the garage door (the killer surely knows I ride a scooter by now). I turned on the very conveniently located hose spigot and got the nozzle ready. Just to be sure, I exited the garage through the side door to have a look around. The dude in the Chevy was looking directly at my house! I went back in and decided I was heavily armed enough to face him. The MaxD was in my tank bag, and I had two little guys - one in each pocket, plus the hose. I aimed the hose at the garage door and opened it. Nobody was there waiting for me.
When the moto was warmed up and ready to go, I took off, shutting the garage door behind me. I took a left and went halfway down the block, and then turned around and came up the other way... just in case he was telling someone where to follow me.
A well-timed green light at 19th let me get out of the neighborhood quickly and once again, I live to see the first part of the work day.
I have to go to a lunch later for a new coworker and I'm a bit nervous. I'd hate to get nailed in a restaurant in front of all my peers.