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My phone started ringing rather unkindly at six this morning. I ignored it. It rang again at 7, and then at 7:05. A voicemail was left. It rang again at 8. All the calls were from a blocked number, of course.

The voicemail said the following:

"Hahaha well it's exactly 7:05 AM. Do you know where your stalker is? On a lighter note, I have a joke for you. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? BECAUSE I FUCKING SHOT HIM WITH MY SQUIRT GUN AND HE DIED!"

Nice.

I did my usual check outside before leaving for work. Blue chevy parked across the street with a dude in it, talking on a cell phone via headset, and looking through papers. It looked like way too many papers to be game documents, but I was suspicious of him nonetheless.

I crept down to the garage and let the dog out back. When he was done, I queitly pushed my motorcycle to the garage door (the killer surely knows I ride a scooter by now). I turned on the very conveniently located hose spigot and got the nozzle ready. Just to be sure, I exited the garage through the side door to have a look around. The dude in the Chevy was looking directly at my house! I went back in and decided I was heavily armed enough to face him. The MaxD was in my tank bag, and I had two little guys - one in each pocket, plus the hose. I aimed the hose at the garage door and opened it. Nobody was there waiting for me.

When the moto was warmed up and ready to go, I took off, shutting the garage door behind me. I took a left and went halfway down the block, and then turned around and came up the other way... just in case he was telling someone where to follow me.

A well-timed green light at 19th let me get out of the neighborhood quickly and once again, I live to see the first part of the work day.

I have to go to a lunch later for a new coworker and I'm a bit nervous. I'd hate to get nailed in a restaurant in front of all my peers.

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Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
imasage
Nov. 16th, 2005 07:53 pm (UTC)
we need to get you some disguises!

But yeah - a few houses up a white corolla was parked with a bunch of white punk kids, which seemed rawther suspicious to me...i had forgotten my phone, but stopped at a pay phone to call you to warn you, until I realized I don't have your number memorized! I gotta do that. The pay phone stole my 50 cents.
itsolivia
Nov. 16th, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
whoa that is scary!!!! they have your PHONE NUMBERS???

that is scary shit. i wouldnt leave the house. id take a vacation and not go to work and just stay in SF, in my house.
cje
Nov. 16th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
nice idea, but no can do.
it's against the rules.
besides, you have to leave the house to work and hunt.
plus, we have the same information on our targets.
his assassins are getting desperate--they need a verifiable kill attempt (even if they fail) before Sunday, or they are eliminated from the game.
itsolivia
Nov. 16th, 2005 08:20 pm (UTC)
i would much rather see my boyfriend do this then myself. i have too much built-in paranoia to begin with. i would probably faint.

but it is SO MUCH FUN reading and hearing about it though. SO MUCH FUN.
cje
Nov. 16th, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
yeah, I get that. I am anxious and paranoid regularly. It's (in a weird way) reassuring to know that there *actually* is someone out to get me. :)

But it definitely fucks with you--sleep deprivation, irregular meals, changing routines, and trying to soak someone while glancing over your shoulder to make sure *you* don't get soaked.

It's pretty fun. I'm glad I'm still in the game. I just want one decent shot at my guy (and I'll soak his protective friends to do it!) so I can continue into next week, though my assassin is probably getting anxious too...
bizetsy
Nov. 16th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
How did lunch go?!
vespa59
Nov. 17th, 2005 07:28 am (UTC)
No incidents
clocktor
Nov. 16th, 2005 10:22 pm (UTC)
Dude, this is some seriously fucked-up shit. I'm getting stressed just READING about it.

You freekin' rock.
cookieguggelman
Nov. 17th, 2005 12:09 am (UTC)
You must take down your assassin! His phone manners are deplorable.
labelme
Nov. 17th, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
i love reading about this!!! :)
iam_emperor
Nov. 17th, 2005 05:42 am (UTC)
What happens if you kill off your own assassin? obviously you dont have his dossier or anything, but can you enlist your friends to distract him while you get the drop on him outside in his car? what happens then?
vespa59
Nov. 17th, 2005 07:29 am (UTC)
You can't actually kill your assassin. However, if you encounter your assassin and you cap him before he gets you, he is disabled from killing you for 24 hours.
vanilla_christ
Nov. 17th, 2005 01:44 pm (UTC)
Maybe he was casing you, find out your morning habits so he can nail you tomorrow. Maybe you should wear a raincoat, call it a bullet-proof vest.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )