Tonight was "Super Tuesday" or some such nonsense, where they give away a bunch of crap to various "lucky" fans. "Section 301, Row 12, Seat 4, you win a round trip ticket on Alaska Airlines!"... That sort of thing.... This idea was sort of born out of a combination of that, and watching a streaker get tackled by security near second base.
So here's the idea Chris and I came up with: For each game, they give away 1000 free tickets. The people who get these tickets agree that in exchange for their free admission, they're eligible to be the evening's "doomed fan of the game". So they do the random drawing just like for the prizes, except that the winner of this drawing (from the 1000 free tickets) gets KILLED!! Wouldn't that make it interesting?? Imagine this:
"Section 222, Row 4, Seat 11.. You're the Bank of America Doomed Fan of the Game!!"
Then the JumboTron quickly pans to the guy looking all surprised as the Mariners Moose pops up behind him and blows his freakin' head off. Then... here's the fun part... They leave him there for the rest of the game! The rest of the fans can do whatever they want with him. Dress him up in the other team's jersey, put makeup on him, give him a big foam finger, pass him around the stands... whatever. Ma'am, better grab your husband's wallet before the looters get him!
Of course, they'd have to mix it up a bit. They couldn't always have the moose just cap him from behind. Maybe sometimes they could have a sniper hit him from across the field. Or drop a safe on him from the section above, all Wile E. Coyote style. It'd be really cool if they could get him with a flamethrower without getting anyone else.
And on fan appreciation night, they could do like a "Fugitive" sort of thing. Show his face on the JumboTron and offer a free hot dog to whoever brings his head to section 138 (which is where all prizes are redeemed).
You wanna put asses in the seats? THAT'S how you put asses in the seats, my friend.