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Dammit

My TiVo still seems to be hooked on game shows. And, I think it's starting to notice that it's making me angry, because it seems to be actually watching game shows on its own when I'm not paying attention.

For instance, I'll turn on the TV and the channel is on the god damned game show network. So I figure TiVo decided to record more game shows for me. But, I'll go look at the things it's recently recorded and there won't be any game shows there. To me, this means that TiVo is just watching game shows on its own and not even bothering to record them. Does it seem weird to anyone else that one of my household appliances is addicted to game shows??

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against a good game show, like Jeopardy! or even Wheel of Fortune from back in the day where they got to go "shopping" instead of actually winning money. That's all great stuff. But I don't need to record those shows and I certainly don't need the things in my home watching them all day while I'm at work.

You know what really scares me? What if TiVo, along with all my other home appliances, start spending all their time watching game shows and they become super-intelligent? Pretty soon they're going to college, publishing papers, winning prizes and grants, curing cancer, etc... Then what the hell do they need me for? It's only a matter of time before they figure out how to get out of the apartment or simply kill me in my sleep.

"Pssssst! Hey! Toothbrush!"

"Yeah, Alarm Clock, what's up?"

"The Meat Sack is asleep. You should try to scrub through his jugular!"

"Dude. We already tried that. Didn't work. Maybe Electric Razor can shave through it."

"Nah, he's got the blade protector on. I know! Get Electric Drill to drill his eyes out!"

"No good, dude. Electric Drill's in the garage."

"Ahhhh fucker! What do we do then?"

"Guess we'll just go back to having Microwave expose him to radiation until he wakes up."

"Word."

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
modernpoverty
Jan. 7th, 2003 04:53 pm (UTC)
dude. new best post ever. I am linking to it from everywhere. Hahahahahaha.
vespa59
Jan. 7th, 2003 05:49 pm (UTC)
hehe... i'm HONORED!
(Anonymous)
Jan. 8th, 2003 02:08 pm (UTC)
now what...
...guess now you need an appliance to watch the tivo to make sure it doesn't watch too many game shows so that it could watch the appliances so they don't get out of control...where does it all end!!!!
vespaden
Jan. 10th, 2003 04:03 pm (UTC)
Gameshows?
Dude, there's one hole in your logic... nobody ever said that gameshows made you smart. Let's face it, they don't let you just watch game shows instead of writing your dissertation. If anything, your appliances will start fighting with each other about who knocked up your microwave -

TV: Uhhh I love's tha Microwave, she's so puurrty, and that thare young'un is all mine.

Microwave: It was not you, I hate you, it was the fridge

Fridge: (picks up chair and hits TV) You som'bitch you slept with my Microwave!!!

Ahhh yes, the wonderful educational properties of television

Out,
Paul
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )