Result: Smoke. Lots of smoke. Fearing exploding battery, I got the fuck out of dodge and watched it from about 10 feet away. When the smoke stopped, I got to see the real damage. The ground wire from the battery's negative to the frame totally burned, and it burned up some wires that were around it. So now I get to replace a bunch of wires and hope that there wasn't any damage internally to the any of the mysterious boxes where all the wires seem to come from. Ugh.
Oh well... It'll be nice to ride the red bike for a while, I suppose.
In other news, my DSL is hooked up (in theory) and as soon as my gateway gets here from DirecTVDSL, I can hook it up and the DamnDirtyDataCenter can finally come home. So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice.