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I'm going to die.

Ok... background for this story:
There was this episode of the Simpsons. Homer was skiing and Flanders slides up in a skin-tight snow suit. Homer remarks about how revealing it is. Flanders responds saying that it gives him maximum mobility and it feels like he's wearing "nothing at all!", while waggling his butt at Homer. Homer, disgusted, freaks and starts sliding down the mountain. He says to himself, "Ok... don't panic... just remember what the instructor said...". He has a little thought cloud thingy over his head and the instructor pops up: "If you get into trouble, all you have to do is...", then the instructor is interrupted by a vision of Flanders waving his butt: "Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!!":

Then, predictably, Homer says "Doh! Stupid sexy Flanders!"

OK... So, I'm riding to work this morning on Red Bike, as Eris is out of commission with a busted taillight (see: Rear Ended). I got to make a turn from Western on to 2nd Ave West to head up to work. Now, this turn is a nice wide 45-degree or so turn that I can usually take at about 45-50 mph on Eris. Slightly slower on Red Bike, due to the squirreliness and the fact that I had about $2000 worth of electronics on me this morning. Anyway, as I'm going through the turn, I see that the HUGE VAN coming the opposite direction has decided to drift into the wrong side of the road (my side) to make their left turn and we're now headed straight for each other. There's no way in hell my 1959 brakes are gonna get me stopped in time.

So, in my head, I start trying to make a plan that will get me around him, taking into account the fact that he might do something stupid when he sees that he's about to turn me into a grease spot:

"Ok... he's still drifting to his left, so I can cut to the left, and then if he starts to turn back...."


Flanders pops into my head going, "Nothing at all! Nothing at all!!"

At that point, the guy got back in his lane and I just kept going straight.

Stupid sexy Flanders....


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 3rd, 2003 12:52 pm (UTC)
Dear Steve,

Please stop attracting vehicles to your general vicinity that want to turn you into a grease spot. This happens quite often, and it must have to do with your magnetic personality. This disturbs me a bit, as I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU. ;)

Apr. 3rd, 2003 01:57 pm (UTC)
What? You wouldn't still go out with me if I were a grease spot?
Apr. 3rd, 2003 02:48 pm (UTC)
I can't help but notice a disturbing tendency to discuss butt issues in your journal. (See "Rear Ended," "Hot Ass," and now "Flanders' Ass in a Ski Suit") I don't know if it's just me, but isn't this a bit strange? I mean, the last thing I'd be thinking of when I'm about to get squished by a "Good Times" van would be Flanders' ass. I might be thinking about someone's else's sexxy ass, but that's another story... Nevermind. Uhhh-ummm, I wouldn't be thinking about anyone's ass by my own... in terms of saving it, that is. You don't have to save your own ass, that's just something I like to do.

Once again, I'm glad you're not dead. Now stop making me say that so freaking often.

Stupid sexxxxy Flanders

Damn that Fu
Apr. 3rd, 2003 05:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Ass
what he said!

also, is it perhaps that stupid sexxxxxxxxy flanders = evil fu mao lion? just maaaybe?
Apr. 4th, 2003 06:43 am (UTC)
...not to worry babe...me and a higher power got your back...
Apr. 11th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )